I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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