woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
