that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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