watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
