If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
