if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
