You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
