you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
