Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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