i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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