hotel room ftw
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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