It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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