its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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