I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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