Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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