Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
