apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
