just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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