That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
