watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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