I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize