yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
