once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
