It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
