He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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