Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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