remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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