Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
