Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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