i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
