Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
its liver damage thursday
Randomize