i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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