What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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