did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
