u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
