you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
