new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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