apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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