um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
