i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
