I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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