so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize