Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
