Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
jump out the window naked night went bad
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