I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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