I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
