Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
did i just pee glitter
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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