walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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