I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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