This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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