I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
