That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
