I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
