you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize