i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
