They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
