she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
