Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
