this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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