he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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