When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
