do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize