True but thats because hes a fetus.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
