I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize