They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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