oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
