I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
