drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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