There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
