You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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