I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
