Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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