you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
