hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
