Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
