I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
