you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
