Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
