apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize