did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
