I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
