i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
