He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
