I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize