i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
