is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
