I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
