i think i have herpe
just one?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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