i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
