Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
