I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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