There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
