pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize