The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
