No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
