Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
