so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
