Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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