It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am midnight drunk by noon
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
