you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
