Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize