When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
