I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
