the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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