He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize