I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
