hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
