my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
