I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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