the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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