it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I understand Curling. That high.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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