im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
