you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
