the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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